Im sittin here in this room thiknin WTF ! In my 30’s Im established, I have a career, I have created home, I have a car, My child is healthy & doing well in school, I have a host of decicated friends. Some would look at me and say she has it going on. So why do I still feel alone empty & sometimes so unhappy. Im a go getter ! Work all the time & some times feel like I never have enough. Why second guess everything. Am I a good parent? Am I doing as well as I think I am in my career? Am I worth some1 giving their all too? Who’s gonna stab me in the back next? Its amazing what your mind will conjuer up when its stops running a mile a minute. Im thinkin should I talk to some1? Am I too messed up in the mind? As diddy said “life will it take me under” I know I can be a good person . I give a lot but then I question why?
So I decided I need to write a blog… Been thru so much in life from been molested twice, to battling with low self esteem til I was 25 (even still sometimes now) to going to federal prison, to fucked up relationship with my mom & famiy, Being a Lesbian (am I really a lesbian), failed marriage, a numerous amount of failed relationships. Having a baby fresh out of highschool, Not knowing who my kids father was. All of this has to stem from somewhere. I really need to know where. Before I burst. I spent days & nights fighting this. Almost til its starting to eat me alive. My friend is writing a book so I said I would right a book. Shit I wrote 1 in highschool but the reality is I don’t want to write a book. I have so much on my plate I cant but writing does give me a little piece of mind. Im not formal I hate speaking in front of a whole bunch of ppl because the reality of it is sometimes I feel like im not pretty enough or confident enough to stand infront of a lot of ppl I began think they are really judging the way I look. Even if I knew everything I had to say down to a T. So how would I promote a book. Most importantly. Im not writing this to make $$ Im writing as therapy for me. In hopes that it can be therpy for some1 else. Tho’ I feel no1 may never even read it. I will still be happy to know I did it.
Well sit back and relax this is the beginning. I relized once I open up these doors to Pandoras box it will bring on a lot of emotions good bad happy sad rage joy passion lust hatred. Don’t expect this to be proper because Im not. There will be some grammactical error. U instead of you, 2 instead of to or too. Etc etc etc o well. All my past English teachers would probably cringe reading this its ok tho’… I will keep my self anonomous because it doesn’t matter who I am. Jus know this is the part of me you never knew. Stay tuned the best it yet to come
XOXO Story Teller
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