Who the fuck Am I

       I am me…..im a lover im a fighter, im a mother, im a survivor, im a career woman, I ma hardworker, im spoiled, im stubborn, im rude, im brutaly honest,  Im a bully, im sweet, Some would say im a bitch, I am whatever u say I am but shit im still me. You either love me or leave me alone. That’s the wall of defense I built up around myself. I asked a couple of ppl  in different facids of my life to describe me. Who have been around me and I think would be honest.  Heres what they had to say.

    1. Da child hood bestie- ur jus U

    2. The long term client-  Honest (brutally at times) Loving, Caring, Giving, Fun, Rude, thoughtful,creative,organized, sarcastic,sensitive,moody,protective of self

    3. My coworker- A TRUE FRIEND & "fuss box" with a BIG HEART!

    4. The new bestie- warm, caring, great listener, reliable

    5. The ex girlfriend who I sometimes I think im still in love with- sneaky, thoughtful, hardworker, shitty attitude at times, likes to enjoy life, but thought she knew me but really didn’t. (name-charlie)

  6. The random as bitch that says I’m her sister- thoughtful, jealous, giving, a real bitch sometimes, compassionate, NON-understanding, fun, reliable.

  7. The new good friend- great heart give her last outgoing controlling, her way or the highway. Your best quality is ur a ppl person. Ppl tend to think ur mean I would say jus very straight forward & some ppl cant take it.

  8. The woman who adores me- really caring creative strong minded talented a bad side a person really does want to get to know

  9. Sis in law/client/friend- Caring giving thoughtful passionate bout work, mean streak & hard to care for her!

  10. AP- kind, compassionate, overtop, loyal, creative, a little temper, good mother, good cook, sometimes can be selfish & self centered but is balanced out because you give so much

Its crazy because sometimes i think i still dont know! 

                                                                                                                 XOXO Story teller

11.11.11 Opening day!

Im sittin here in this room thiknin WTF ! In my 30’s Im established, I have a career, I have created  home, I have a car, My child is healthy & doing well in school,  I have a host of decicated friends. Some would look at me and say she has it going on. So why do I still feel alone empty  & sometimes so unhappy. Im a go getter ! Work all the time & some times feel like I never have enough. Why second guess everything.  Am I a good parent? Am I doing as well as I think I am in my career? Am I worth some1 giving their all too? Who’s gonna stab me in the back next? Its amazing what your mind will conjuer up when its stops running a mile  a minute. Im thinkin should I talk to some1? Am I too messed up in the mind? As diddy said “life will it take me under”  I know I can be a good person . I give a lot but then I question why?

           So I decided I need to write a blog…  Been thru so much in life from been molested twice, to battling with low self esteem til I was 25 (even still sometimes now) to going to federal prison, to fucked up relationship with my mom & famiy,  Being a Lesbian (am I really a lesbian), failed marriage, a numerous amount of failed relationships. Having a baby fresh out of highschool, Not knowing who my kids father was. All of this has to stem from somewhere. I really need to know where. Before I burst. I spent days & nights fighting this. Almost til its starting to eat me alive. My friend is writing a book so I said I would right a book. Shit I wrote 1 in highschool but the reality is I don’t want to write a book. I have so much on my plate I cant but writing does give me a little piece of mind. Im not formal I hate speaking in front of a whole bunch of ppl because the reality of it is sometimes I feel like im not pretty enough or confident enough to stand infront of  a lot of ppl I began think they are really judging the way I look. Even if I knew everything I had to say down to a T. So how would I promote a book. Most importantly. Im not writing this to make $$ Im writing as therapy for me. In hopes that it can be therpy for some1 else.  Tho’ I feel no1 may never even read it. I will still be happy to know I did it.

          Well sit back and relax this is the beginning. I relized once I open up these doors to Pandoras box it will bring on a lot of emotions good bad happy sad rage joy passion lust hatred.  Don’t expect this to be proper because Im not. There will be some grammactical error. U instead of you, 2 instead of to or too.  Etc etc etc o well. All my past  English teachers would probably cringe reading this its ok tho’…  I will keep my self anonomous because it doesn’t matter who I am. Jus know this is the part of me you never knew. Stay tuned the best it yet to come 

XOXO Story Teller